Thursday, October 11, 2007

Pass the Salt, Please

Okay, I couldn't resist. But after getting this prompt from Totally Optional Prompts, I focused on the element of salt in the poem. I use salt as a description a lot in my writing, so last night, I played a little word association with salt, and this is what came out.

Once a Salt Girl

When I was younger, I loved like salt --
either too much or not enough. I would crave
all or nothing in intense waves
until I was left with a parched
puckered mouth. There were days I loved
moderately, afraid of the intensity, forcing
myself to go without. I praised
my practicality, my discipline, ignoring
how muted and gray I had become. Now,
I know that love is much more than heat
and the absence of water, more than the gritty
bitter taste left in my open mouth.

19 Comments:

sister AE said...

Ooh, I like this. I could feel the tang or the flat blandness in it.

paisley said...

omg.. this is so prophetic.. it is me,,, and i love it!!!!i have been stuck on the lyrics of if i fall by the beatles,, and this fits so nicely

"'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands"

[it]is much more than heat
and the absence of water, more than the gritty
bitter taste left in my open mouth.

this is perfection!!!!

Jo said...

Very good, again. 'Now I know that love is much more than heat and the absence of water'.......gorgeous.

wendy said...

" Now,
I know that love is much more than heat
and the absence of water, more than the gritty
bitter taste left in my open mouth."

Isn't this perfectly crafted! bravo.

tumblewords said...

Oh, yes. Like the layering and imagery!

gautami tripathy said...

Loved this. Great taste to the tongue!

Holly Mac said...

This is beautiful. I love the inclusion of waves, thus bringing in the salty sea. Nicely done!

LJCohen said...

"I loved like salt --
either too much or not enough."

Brilliant! Loved that line. And so true.

best,
lj

Lisa said...

Quite a clever use of the prompt I think. I liked:

"When I was younger, I loved like salt --
either too much or not enough"

This Girl Remembers said...

What a lovely take on the prompt! I love the salt metaphor - it draws me right in, my own mouth becomes parched. Beautiful.

...deb said...

What a great first line. And the line breaks are really great too.

The transition from "younger" to "Now,/ I know" is terrific. The ending is just right. Not sweet, but real; as you said "more".

Rethabile said...

We all fear intensity, I think. Nice poem.

Brian said...

When I was younger, I loved like salt -- either too much or not enough.

that is just a great opening line. well done.

Pauline said...

I like the way the title ties together the intensity of feeling, the sense of self-deprivation, and the final realization that love is more than both. The allusion to evaporation with the mention of the heat and the absence of water is very clever.

Jessica said...

Wow thanks to everyone who stopped by and commented. I appreciated your feedback!

I just want to mention, if you haven't stopped by Totally Optional Prompts yet, you should. There's a wonderfully diverse and talented group of writers over there.

Crafty Green Poet said...

I enjoyed this and somehow can identify

daisies said...

oh yes ... wonderful and i can totally identify :)

Clare said...

You did a fantastic job with this! I love the way you blended salt and love -- really nice.

odessa said...

wow, i can totally relate to this! love these lines: Now,/ I know that love is much more than heat/
and the absence of water, more than the gritty/
bitter taste left in my open mouth.
very succint and true.