Monday, February 26, 2007

D-Day


I started an online education class today, and I'm not sure why. I know, partially, it's because I love school and I love learning. I also know that it's because I want to try to start a doctorate program, and I'm not exactly getting any younger. It's because I love education and I want to learn as much as I can about teaching students.

But it's also because I'm crazy. It's because I don't like having any free time. It's because I like to think of life as an all you can eat buffet of responsibility, and I like to see exactly how much I can pile on my plate. Also, I think I'm doing this and freaking out because I see my husband working on school work and I think, "why not me too?"

I guess there are a million reasons why I'm trying this, but because it's new and because I'm scared, I'm panicking just a little bit. I'm worried that I won't be able to hack it in school and work and writing and I know something's going to give. I'm afraid that I'll forget about writing, and focus too much on my job and school. It's easy for me to forget about the things that bring me joy, sometimes.

Not to come to any sort of false resolution here, but I also know that this is going to be a good thing. This is going to allow me to learn more and grow and stretch. I'll just have to, once again, reorder my life and realize what my priorities truly are. And that can be truly scary and wonderful, at the same time.

1 Comment:

Poet with a Day Job said...

Ummm, 9 to 5, get out of my head please!

For real: I am doing these very things! My L got into Pitt for the fall, and all I can think about is changing my career, like, today. It's energizing and overwhelming all at the same time. It feels possible and impossible. I feel exhilarated and exhausted. I live only on the ends of my life and balance, as someone once said, is something I pass on my way to the other extreme. I think they make medication for that. Perhaps I should look into it...